9 What Are The Primary Parts Of A Peer-Reviewed Article 12 Steps to Divorcing a Drug Addict

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12 Steps to Divorcing a Drug Addict

1. Trust in your God. The universe is controlled by divine power. Trust in the power of prayer and listen for answers. Throughout my marriage I prayed for strength to get me through a very difficult time. I’m not a drug addict myself, I can’t fathom putting a chemical in my body and putting that chemical in a more important place than my family. I just don’t get it, but ultimately, if your spouse isn’t seeking professional help for drug and alcohol addiction, it’s probably time to walk away. I was very scared and felt I had no choice but to go to protect myself (and the children). At first I was foolishly convinced (I still am) that he chose drugs over us, his family, but it was his choice. While I cannot control her choices, I am affected by her choices and I can control how I react to those choices. So I pray…a lot.

2. Get legal advice – Be aware that everything an addict says, no matter how sincere it may seem, is due to drugs. Whether it’s about children or money, don’t trust what the addict says. A professional told me that when you break up with an addict, you must face the fact that the addict is having an affair! You (and the children, if there are children) are no longer the main focus for the spouse with drug/alcohol problems. An affair with drugs is very difficult for the second spouse to “fight”. (A friend of mine went through a divorce with a partner who was a chronic “cheat”, he felt that my situation was easier. Divorcing an addict is the same as divorcing a “cheator” – trust is gone! Once trust is gone. Gone – gone!) So, unfortunately , you should have legal representation unless the addict wants to sign everything and just walk away. If your spouse is willing to give you everything, you should still have an attorney and possibly an accountant review and advise you on any short-term, long-term and/or tax implications. Check with friends or go online and get recommendations from chat rooms, web forums or even Twitter, which can help you find sites to help you do some research, but ultimately get professional advice.

3. Get support from friends. Divorce is emotionally draining. Your friends and family usually don’t want to hear this, but it’s really important to have someone willing to listen and just offer support. No guidance, just support.

4. Get therapy. If you can afford to see a therapist, I recommend doing so. A trained professional can help you understand the inner workings of a drug/alcohol addiction brain. And whether you want to hear it or not, on some level you have some responsibility in all of this. A therapist can help you see the areas where you need to master this crisis. There are now studies that have shown that people with addiction have a gene that can be identified. You may have to face the fact that you may have been the “switch”. Ultimately, however, the responsibility for addiction rests entirely on the addict. Unless, of course, you were the one holding your spouse down and physically forcing drugs into their bodies.

5. Blog. If you’re living in a bubble where you don’t have access to friends, family, or therapists, I suggest you write a blog or at least journal. Even if you have friends and family, those support systems are, firstly, tired of hearing about your anger and pain, and secondly, your friends and family, if they haven’t been through it, may not know how to help you. It’s one thing to have friends and family who can support you through the divorce, however, an addiction divorce is not like a “normal” “irreconcilable differences” divorce. Go online and find others battling the same dragons, find chat rooms and forums to help you find lawyers and therapists, etc. in your area of ​​the country. It gives you a chance to chat with someone who understands and you can compare horror stories, which I’m sure can turn out to be mildly entertaining over time. Maybe even funny.

6. Protect your credit. Any divorce will put a dent in your credit score, and especially with today’s economic climate and identity theft issues, it becomes even more important to protect your identity and your credit score. It’s not just about outsiders, your spouse may be trying to steal your identity, not only for their own self-serving practices, but sometimes, as in my case, to try to harm you. In a divorce, both parties have the potential (and motive) to damage the other’s credit. There are many horror stories of credit disasters caused by angry spouses – for example…..running up credit cards in the other spouse’s name and walking away. Enter a service that will monitor your credit score for a monthly fee and notify you by email if there are any changes to your credit score.

7. Create your new separate identity. If it’s not time now, it will be soon. So now is not the time to start using your own name and identity. Start accepting yourself as you are. Being separate and apart from your identity as a spouse, recognizing others as a single person can help you feel more empowered. Consider reclaiming your unique name.

8. Take your time. Decisions made now, while not set in stone, are important and will have an impact. Whether you decide to move to a new home or city, you will choose one attorney over another. All of these decisions are important. So choose wisely and be as informed as possible. Get advice from any and all sources you can, but remember that you are the one who has to live with the long-term impact of the choices you make. So make your choices and decisions wisely!

9. Don’t take advice from friends. All that being said, in #8, recognize that you shouldn’t take your friends’ advice as “set in stone.” Take the record, weigh it, balance it with information from internet searches, but know that friends are biased. Unless your friends are trained professionals and even then, although their record may be honest, it may be completely wrong for your situation and they may be biased. Take all the information and apply what works for your individual situation.

10. Insurances. Make sure all your insurance is up to date. Medicine, car, house, life. In my situation, for whatever reason (I’m guessing his processes were clouded by drug/alcohol use), the car insurance didn’t pay and we drove around without car insurance for months. This is illegal in my state and it was reported to the state and opened another can of worms that further hurt my credit score. So take responsibility and make sure all your insurance is current.

11. Your finances. Your finances are a very important part of a divorce. If at all possible, I would recommend that you unfortunately plan some money in advance before the divorce in case things get ugly. You’ll at least have access to some money to see you through some tough roads ahead. Money should always be more than money, but it is especially important during a divorce. Work diligently to keep your credit cards in order. Continue to add to your savings plan every month if possible. You really need to be aware of the tax consequences and long-term impact – things your attorney may not have expertise in. Work with an accountant or financial planner for a divorce. an expert. The saying is always 20/20 and looking back I realize that during my marriage we lived on one salary and put the other in the bank. At the time of our marriage, I thought it was a great idea. But now that he’s closed the bank accounts and taken all the money, I realize that wasn’t such a good idea. Get an accountant.

12. Look after yourself. The road ahead will be difficult and probably difficult depending on how much time/emotional investment you have made in your marriage. Take time to relax, do things that give you time. Go for a walk, play cards, ride horses, do yoga, read, play the piano, it’s important to find time to experience things that relieve stress. Managing stress can be difficult at any time in your life, but especially during a divorce. The thing is, divorce can kill you if you let it. So take the time to make time for yourself. Make sure you get your hair done, your nails done, pamper yourself, and just know that no matter what anyone else tells you, you are worth it. Taking care of yourself boosts your energy levels, your determination, and your determination.

At the beginning of the end, (or the end of the beginning) I watched Diary of a Mad Black Woman, I watched Enough, I watched Sleeping with the Enemy, and before I recognized parts of each of them. These movies in my marriage, more than anything else, made me realize that the common element is a certain “system” of emotions that permeates. First comes a rush of fear, then anger, then anger, then fear again. More resentment, anger, and then acceptance and resolution. In all of this comes the desire to “hate” – eventually you decide that these negative emotions reinforce more of the same – through the law of attraction – so it’s a healthier (not easier – but healthier) will. The Law of Attraction is very clear, no matter what you focus on – whatever you think about will bring more into your life. Anger brings more anger, whereas peace brings more peace.

Addicts don’t take drugs and alcohol because of something you did, they take drugs and alcohol because something is happening in their reality. I was worried every time I opened an email offering me over the counter drugs – for some reason I easily hit the delete button. I can’t say the same to everyone – otherwise these websites wouldn’t survive. You are overestimating yourself if you think you had anything to do with your spouse becoming an addict. At some level, even the addict cannot control their behavior. Hopefully, at some point the addict will realize it and seek professional help to help them recover.

Another story I’ll tell you, addiction doctors have told me that addicts will tell you they’re in recovery. This was certainly the case in my personal story. Most drugs cannot be controlled by an addict who goes “cold turkey” on their own. Usually, these drugs must be “detoxified” from the body using other drugs and a course of therapy, and this cannot be done on an outpatient basis. Once an addict is “recovered,” that person’s life will be in “recovery” forever. No matter what the addiction is gambling, drinking, drugs, the list and the list…once an addiction is “beaten” it will always be a challenge and one addiction can be replaced with another! It is very important that addiction issues are treated by a licensed professional under controlled settings.

So let it go – don’t take their choices personally and no matter how hard it may seem, let it go… and pray for them.

I am not a professional, I encourage you to seek advice from a licensed professional to help you make critical decisions.

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